Redneck Heaven

It’s been said that in recent times, especially during our current economy, the food industry will try to capitalize on any gimmick to draw in the crowds. In order to bolster consumer spending in this area, the industry has been shifting their focus on venues designed to lift sagging consumer confidence by pairing spirits with appealing table-side visuals. Enter the “breast-aurant”. Once upon a time, the field was dominated by only one or two chains and a few local hangouts, Hooters being foremost in this category. Now the pool has considerably grown, especially in the DFW area, with the likes of Twin Peaks and Bone Daddy’s. Redneck Heaven joins the fray, featuring food, booze and games, served up by the requisite scantily-clad waitresses. Redneck Heaven recycles the old concept that bikes, babes and booze go well together, and gambles on this idea by positioning their restaurant in a family-friendly middle-class suburban location.

I must admit a bit of surprise when I first entered Redneck Heaven…I expected the pool tables and a boisterous bar atmosphere. What I didn’t expect was the barely-legal waitstaff, prancing around in skimpy attire, and at least one family with 4 children, lunching here. But I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised…the bar’s exterior vaguely gave off that “M for Mature” vibe. Or is that M for Mischief?

But my fiance and I were here for the food, and in particular, we came for the burgers.  I am pleased to report that Redneck served up decent cooked-to-order burgers; no fancy sauces or exotic preparations here. They have a limited collection of condiments, since their burgers come sans dressings: ketchup and mustard, and if you ask nicely, they’ll bring out packets of mayonnaise. My burger was a grilled, medium-rare, hand-formed patty…I requested the bleu cheese burger with no pickles, extra onions and a cup of their broccoli cheese soup. The thick cheesy soup may have been overkill after our appetizer of chili cheese fries liberally garnished with jalapenos, which I’m happy to say tasted fine. The chili seemed to have been a house-made variety, with a good balance of ground beef and beans. A word about the beef–Redneck Heaven likes mentioning that they serve Nolan Ryan beef…and for a local eatery, I have to give them a thumbs-up for partnering with a home-grown legend.

Because the food seemed rendered capably, my dining companion and I both agreed that Redneck’s kitchen deserves a second chance despite the fact that this really wasn’t our type of venue. For those lonely male diners however, Redneck’s is sure to please. But guys, be sure to know your limits or you might just turn off that pretty waitress you’re trying to impress…the house special drink called Minnow Bomb does feature a live fish, and you might end up in the parking lot, hurling up said sushi and whatever meal that preceded it. Don’t say they didn’t warn ya–it’s on the menu.

My rating: 3.0 stars

J macklin’s Grill

The fiance and I ventured into J macklin’s after scoping out the local options for some good food in what we hoped were comfortable surroundings. When we walked into J macklin’s, it looked like we had scored. The only issue: we felt dirty and under-dressed for the place.

J macklin felt a touch upscale, though there were no white tablecloths in evidence. This neighborhood eatery might be the place to host a celebratory dinner without having to venture to the big city for some high-end grub. It seemed cozy and casual enough for a date as well.

The menu prices reflected the ambitions of the restaurant: upcharging for upscale renditions of familiar food. Not too many appetizers under $5; for the $10 price point you will find burgers and sandwiches, $12-15 for salads, and higher, you get some steaks and seafood. Was the food worth the price?

I was underwhelmed by the pulled pork sliders, finding them dry and bland. I found the sweet pickle spear that topped the sliders mighty tasty however…and I don’t generally like pickles. Since I felt like having a burger, I also ordered some sweet potato fries; both the fiance and I found them yummy, but not as memorable as the crinkle cuts at Jake’s.

The fiance ordered a barbecue brisket sandwich while I ordered a mushroom swiss, medium rare. Again, as with the sliders, I felt the brisket sandwich lacked moisture and zing…perhaps it was the unremarkable barbecue sauce that dressed it. The potato salad had a touch more bite to it, buttery potato chunks gently draped in a light mayo-mustard concoction. Could this be a signature of J macklin’s–uncomplicated and unpretentious flavors?

My mushroom-swiss burger came on what appeared to be a house-made bun, dripping with melted cheese and beef juices–and perfectly medium-rare as ordered. I was delighted by the basil mayo dressing and ordered more. I was also pleased by their house salad–not an iceberg lettuce salad, but with romaine and field greens. The shallot vinaigrette tasted honey sweet, but left me wanting for a real shallot taste.

The dining space was intimate, not too loud on our Sunday afternoon visit. The waitstaff was attentive and quick to check up on things. Based on our overall experience, I’d like to revisit J macklin’s and give the serious grub a try.

My rating: 3.0 stars

Red Robin Gourmet Burgers

Burgers are in the sign, and burgers we found aplenty on Red Robin’s menu. However, I’m not certain that the burgers lived up to the $10 price tag or the “gourmet” billing. I found them satisfying enough…and the bottomless steak fries deter even the most hearty appetites from exploring more of the menu. My party of three started off with a tower of onion rings, which were pleasantly crunchy but had very little of the oniony zing that I looked for. The menu paired the rings with a spicy, tangy Campfire sauce and the typical ranch dressing, which ensured that the rings were consumed quickly.

On to the main course. Our host assured us that everything on the menu could be customized to our liking. My friend was eyeballing their sliders, but wanted “burger” sliders instead of the steak sliders advertised. Though our eager waitperson professed that the sliders could be prepared the way she wanted, my friend’s meal did not arrive as a requested. Two out of the three sliders were summarily consigned to a doggie bag.

For my lunch, I ordered the Bleu Cheese burger, with red onions subbing for the onion straws. Once I finally eliminated all the pesky steak fries on my plate, I attacked the burger and found it to my liking. My fiance played it safe and ordered the house Bacon Cheeseburger and also had no complaints.

Red Robin designed many wildly-creative names for some of their signature drinks. Had I not ordered a soda, I would have loved to have tried their smoothies or milkshakes. Alas, the steep pricing might be a deterrent to future visits–I feel my calories would be better spent at Snuffer’s or Jake’s for half Red Robin’s asking price.

My rating: 3.0 stars

Fred’s Downtown Philly Cheesesteaks

I have glimpsed true Philly cheesesteak greatness in the DFW area, and its staunchest purveyor is Fred’s Downtown Philly. Before Fred’s, pretenders paraded before me, claiming they knew how to serve up a good cheesesteak, but I learned to my dismay of my foolishness. I knew nothing about what a real Philly cheesesteak should taste like, and Fred’s has opened my eyes. Great calorie-glopping loads of grilled steak and onions, cheese whiz (or a cheese of your choice), cradled by a soft warm bun–I have not been disappointed in the two visits I paid Fred’s. Both their Plano and Allen locations have shown me the light, and I will proclaim Fred’s magnificence to any who would listen. Run, don’t walk, to this altar of Philly cheesesteak goodness.

And for those of you craving authentic Philly fare, make sure to add TastyKakes to with your meal. You will be hard-pressed to find these anywhere in Texas–in the deep South!

My rating: 4.0 stars

Snuffer’s Restaurant & Bar

14910 Midway Rd
Addison, TX 75244
(972) 991-8811

There are many reasons for eating at Snuffer’s and very few reasons not to. What recommends this place is their menu of reliable bar food: their burgers are meaty and juicy, and prepped the way you order them. Their loaded cheddar fries are gut-bustingly delicious…the best I’ve had in town. The downside of Snuffer’s is that it IS a bar, so if you dislike that atmosphere, best to steer clear. However, Snuffer’s knows that their food is well-received, and at this Addison location, they can seat you as far away from the alcohol as possible, patio seating is possible. This particular location is frequented by bar hoppers, sports watchers, and families alike, so it tends to be crowded and noisy especially on weekends. What not to order here: onion fries. We sent our plate of cakey, flavorless onion straws back to the kitchen with our apologies. Of all our burger adventures, Snuffer’s has proven to be the best.

My rating: 4.0 stars

Mooyah Burgers & Fries

190 E. Stacy Rd
Ste 1714
Allen, TX 75002
(972) 678-2940

Mooyah really doesn’t have much going for it, except the cute name and the family-friendly setup. Burgers here were just average fare…overpriced for unimpressive thin patties. Shakes were barely memorable. The only standout was their in-house cut fries…and I admit those were tasty. If you’re looking for a “kid-safe” environment, Mooyah would suffice…but those quarter-pound burgers are probably too much for the little ones. Good thing they have grilled cheese and hot dogs on the menu. Gourmet burgers Mooyah serves not…mooove on!

My rating: 2.0 stars

Dimassi’s Mediterranean Buffet

18101 Preston Rd #302
Dallas, TX 75252
(972) 250-2000

Every dining adventure involves the risk of failure, turning hungry appetites into disappointing encounters. Such was my visit to Dimassi’s, a newly opened Mediterranean buffet in Far North Dallas. The buffet line was piled high with food for a 5pm dinner, and the dining room was conspicuously vacant, save for a couple of patrons…a bad sign for a weekend evening. An axiom about buffets: the more food left sitting out, the worse the food tastes. And so it was with Dimassi’s: rock-hard cold pita bread, overly dried chicken kabobs, soggy fried cauliflower and countless of other tasteless offerings (their rice pudding was so heavy with rosewater that it was nigh inedible). There was no turnover on the buffet line the entire time I was there…and why would there be, when the food was so horribly neglected in their chafing trays? I wondered if the evening crowd would be treated to the same repast as my dining companion and me. The only bright notes on their buffet were their garlic sauce and baba ghanoosh, an unidentifiable rice dish with boned chicken and pine nuts, and their passable baklava. Thankfully the price of the buffet was under $12 a person…we made sure that we left no tip for the non-existent customer service. An okay place for filler, bad place for authentic Mediterranean food.

My rating: 1.0 stars

Twisted Root Burger Co

730 E. Campbell Road, Suite 330
Richardson, TX 75081

Walking into Twisted Root is like walking into a stadium filled with a football-crazy crowd: loud and obnoxious. So it was walking into Twisted Root on a Saturday afternoon past 1pm. The place was annoyingly packed…standing room only, unless one managed to find a clean table outside on the patio in the hot August sun. No thanks!

This place has attitude…though I’m not sure I care particularly for it. Their site wants to convince you that they are serious about their burgers so they pretty much do not allow any call-in takeout orders on their specialty burgers. Say whut?

I had no intention of waiting on a seat since a table was unlikely to come up while we waited…and I mistrusted the “self-bus” rule that presided in the dining area, so we ordered takeout at the register. The cashier gave us the evil eye…apparently takeout was considered a sin, even after I piled on a second order of sides to go with our burgers. (Hell lady, if you wanted us to eat there, maybe more booths…and clean ones at that?)

So the fiance and I stood there at the counter waiting for our “takeout” orders. I got a clear line-of-sight on the kitchen. Burger patties covered the grill while the cook and his crew furiously tried to sort out the orders…and suddenly I wasn’t very impressed. My old workplace cafeteria rivaled the sight of that grill, burgers frying up in their own greases over a hot grill. I began to wonder if the best burger in Dallas was to be had at Twisted Root…

…and then the my oreo shake arrived. And for a few short moments, I was in heaven–and my worries of Twisted Root’s signature deliverables diminished while I imbibed the thick, creamy delicious Oreo shake (one size only). The fiance was similarly smitten by his Hershey chocolate shake…but I was convinced mine was the better drink.

By the time we were inhaling the bottoms of our plastic cups, our orders were ready and we drove home as fast as we could to consume our burgers.

I ordered the classic swiss-mushroom burger. While I was happy to see the vegetables on the side, I was less enthusiastic about the packets of mayo and ketchup. Couldn’t they have used plastic cups to contain my condiments? Once you get your hands on a greasy burger, it’s pretty difficult tearing open that foil packet. But ultimately, the condiments did nothing for the burger…the classic swiss-mushroom burger turned out to be rather ordinary…and too well-done to even come close to the medium rare that I ordered.

The fiance’s burger, peppercorn ranch and bacon, turned out to be much more memorable than mine. I loved the sharp taste coupled with the saltiness of the bacon and the beefiness of the burger. All these elements combined like a “manly” man’s burger should taste like.

I will confess that the sweet potato chips and the onion strings did not travel well at all in their steamy cartons. Both sides ended up rather flat and soggy when consumed…though the potato chips hinted at snack-food greatness with every bite. I only wished that they might have been sweeter. The onion strings were too strongly flavored and drowned the onions inside them…not a pleasant experience when you’re expecting ONIONS in your onion straws.

For 30 bucks, I expected more from their burgers, but I came away merely satisfied. The shakes exceeded my expectations, but a burger joint should not be eclipsed by their drinks–nor the overweening attitudes of the owners, or the obsequious fans that come here to worship. Seriously, where’s the beef?

My rating: 3.0 stars

Jake’s Joint

701 W Parker Rd
Plano, TX 75023
(469) 229-0400

Walking into Jake’s, one gets the impression that this is a bar first (and a dive-ish one at that), a restaurant second. But our host seemed serious about the burgers they served here, so despite the blaring music (apparently not loud enough at 11:30am on a Sunday morning) and the ugly, torn booth seats we slid into, we explored their menu willingly and was pleased by its simplicity.

Both the fiance and I ordered their burger of the month, a blue-cheese double patty. I also took the liberty to order their sweet potato fries and their cheese fries (I had an affection for the infamous Snuffer’s variety, so I wondered if anybody could rival it). Sadly, the cheese fries failed to measure up, tasting oddly of processed cheese–which didn’t sit well with either of us. The sweet potato fries however were excellent…and I was thoroughly convinced that this was the best yam fries I’ve eaten this weekend.

The burgers came on a poppy seed bun…which I enjoyed despite picking out the poppies from my teeth hours later. Two thin patties didn’t allow for medium rare cooking, our host admitted, but nevertheless the burgers were just fine. I disliked the shredded lettuce as well…shouldn’t the perfect burger be cradled in a leaf? It was the sliced blue cheese that ended up overpowering the burger…and as much as I loved bleu, even I had to admit that the taste had conquered any notions of dessert afterwards. Still, I allowed that Jake’s made as fine a burger as Twisted Root–and I was more than content in not having to fight the media-inspired frenzy that flocked there.

With Jake’s being the closer drive, I’ll be more than happy to revisit it and try something else on their menu. Total damage amounted to the same as the tab at Twisted Root.

My rating: 3.5 stars